Star of Siam

Front of the Restaurant

awkward booths

Thai food is easily my favorite cuisine. Maybe that is why I am so critical, because once you've had truly delicious Thai food, everything else tastes like Fancy Feast cat food. My fiance and I have easily earned the title as "Crab Rangoon Experts", as every Thai place we've ever visited we seem to order them. It is really a simple item to make... yet Star of Siam was completely incapable of execution. As a matter of fact, they were rather incapable of accomplishing everything that we came for. Now I'm pretty easy going when I go out to eat. I may ask a question or two, be the weirdo taking pictures of everything, or hold conversation with my server. I work in the industry, I know what it takes to give great service. I know that what we received isn't even worthy of being called a service, but rather a disservice.

We walked in and the first thing I noticed was the seating arrangement. The tables were nestled in little cubby-holes in the floor. To get into the seating, which was a cheap chair cushion, you literally had to lift your leg and kind of scoot your ass across to get into a decent position. Being that we visited on my birthday, December 3rd, I was all dressed up in a little black skirt. The first thing I thought was "Lord, please have mercy on me and don't make me flash my vajayjay to everyone in this restaurant at one of these tables". Luckily, they were all full, and we got sat against the wall, and I kept my dignity.

Our server took what seemed like ten minutes to even come to our table and greet us. She poured water into my glass, which was cracked all the way down the side. I waited patiently for nearly another ten minutes to inform her that my glass was cracked. Instead, I resorted to stealing one off of the table next to me and pouring it myself. By this time, my fiance was still waiting for a simple coke and I have yet to even order a cocktail, which I debated due to the amount of time she was taking to do everything else.

Mango Tini

We decided on ordering the Massaman Curry, Crab Rangoon, and Sweet & Sour Chicken. Since I was celebrating my 23rd birthday, I also ordered a Mango Martini, which was the ONLY decent part of our meal. It almost tasted like a Mighty Mango Naked Smoothie with Bacardi Rum. Unfortunately, it wasn't chilled very well, and the warm temperature made it a little unappetizing. 

The massaman curry was very one note and rather bland. It tasted like coconut milk straight out of a can, wasn't hot. The menu claimed that the news said their Massaman was the best around. As Buddy the Elf would say, "You sit on a throne of lies!"

I think it is pretty safe to say that everybody likes sweet and sour chicken. I mean, this is America. The typical combo of fried chicken, sweet glaze, and an insane amount of rice is perfect for us Americans. Fat on Fat on Fat. OmNomNomNom. This, however, was like a plate of thinly sliced chicken (which I actually prefer over fried) and a ketchup/pineapple juice mixture. It was God awful. 

Mussaman Curry

The Crab rangoon should be renamed "Crab Rancid." We looked at them, immediately noticing the disgustingly soggy exterior. I bit into it and had to choke it down. The overwhelming artificial crab flavor mixed with way too much fresh garlic made these absolutely inedible.

I won't be returning, just like our server, who never returned after taking our order.

Star of Siam

11 E. Illinois

(312) 670-0100